Iron Man 1 First Issue Special
by J. Hovas II
Summary: When Tony begins experimenting with his newly formulated super-beans, trying to keep the Avengers well-fed in the field, events slip out of his control...


In an unhabited area near Montana, Superman was facing a difficult problem.

The innoculate smell of flatulence filled the suit and forced Tony to open up his helmet. After a thoroughly damaging, crippling battle in the hands of the Mandarin, Tony was feeling a sense of discomfort in the lower portion of his body. Unfortunately for him, the suit simply bore broken down vents which kept the smell of his own farts contained herein within inside the suit. He would have to be punished with this horrendous yet satisfactory smell of victory down below his butt along the ride home. Yet he smiled, knowing that this smell aroused him... that kind of sexy aroma that no one else felt proud to have contained and let go for no one else to share but himself.

It was a bonafied fresh, Stark, chili-bean fart inside his suit. Ah, ha!

"Pepper, this is Stark," called in the billionaire via a transmission. Pepper was back at his lounge, viewing out the window and who had seen him on before the flight. "My nutsack is itching thoroughly beyond belief and yet, I have the strangest urge to sit my rich ass down and watch some Naruto."

Pepper calmly responded back in a sexy voice. "Naruto? Is that the one about the time-traveling pirates and their crazy dog who's IQ is over one million and he is a wrestler named John Cena who happens to be my girlfriend? Man, I love that show! Sometimes when I'm not looking, I like to sit up and turn on the heater and watch that show upside down dooooodly doododododoodododododddood!"

Tony perked a brow. "Pepper, stay the fuck away from my marijuana. I'll have you killed and committed, but not before I kill you first, and then write fan-fiction about you and your time-traveling pirates and their crazy dog who's IQ is over one million and he is a wrestler named John Cena who happens to be my girlfriend?"

"Okay!" chirped Pepper, and then prompty jumped out the window while screaming that her boobs have not, as a matter of fact, increased in any higher number.

In an unhabited area near Superman, Montana was facing a difficult problem.

When Tony shoved his own ass on the ground to make sure that he would not be leaving anywhere soon on his iron toilet, it would be here that he had a startling revelation. Not the kind of revelation that required scientific thinking, but one of a most important thought in his head that required complicated science, one that would test his brain far more than he could have ever known. This ws a true mind-bender for sure, and he would know, because these were the kinds of ones that sent him into an amazingly putrid farting fit whenever pushed to the absolutely highest form of critical thinking.

"I may very well be pregnant. Or I have just stuffed down forty-six cans of superbeans down my own throat before anyone realized they have gone missing," Tony talked to himself allowed, watching from the can and onto the wall across from him. It soon dawned to the rich playboy that he was not, in fact, in the bathroom, but rather, in a complex void of reality. A world he had actually not noticed until JUST now... a world created by tons of farts he has laid for the last several months.

Damn, those chili beans!

Through it all he had thought he had seen it all and that this vortex of the sixth dimension created entirely out of his own ass needed to be investigated - inside and out.

"This looks like Hulk's asshole!"

An immediate turn of the head however brought forth the immediate and surprising discovery of a female version of himself. Of course, she kept the goatee, completing the look - but she was by all accounts very much a male Tony with breasts the size of nuclear vessels and no visible groinal attachment.

In a Montana Superman, problem was facing an area difficult.

"Mother of god and I have no visible penis, or do I?" said the female man Tony Stark who stared into the blossoming eyes of the manly woman Tonyette Starketta. "Either way I look mighty damn sexy, sexier than I have ever thought I could achieve! Sexier than sexier than Naruto? Is that the one about the time-traveling pirates and their crazy dog who's IQ is over one million and he is a wrestler named John Cena who happens to be my girlfriend? Man, I love that show! Sometimes when I'm not looking, I like to sit up and turn on the heater and watch that show upside down dooooodly doododododoodododododddood!"

Tonyette Starketta grabbed his real world counterpart while Hulk Hogan stared prompty into the abyss of the horrible unknown. How this could have happened is anyone's guess but he happened to be there so you and I will just assume the front door was open. But at any rate, Tony looked back into her eyes as she yelled twenty decibles into his ear and his brain came out.

"Tony, I am pregnant with your child! I am bearing thirty of your children and I damand you to repent for your sins!"

Tonyette Starketta grabbed his real world counterpart while Hulk Hogan stared prompty into the abyss of the horrible unknown. How this could have happened is anyone's guess but he happened to be there so you and I will just assume the front door was open.

"Tonyetta? But how could this be happening! I didn't even know my farts were poweful enough to warrant any sort of worthwhile attention," said the billionaire, "All this time I thought was completely stuck in Hulk's asshole while eating superbeans and watching Hulk Hogan staring prompty into the abyss of the horrible unknown. How this could have happened is anyone's guess but that doesn't matter right now! I cannot be the father and I demand to plead the fifth!"

Suddenly!

Superman destroyed Montana.

El olor de la flatulencia innoculate llena el traje y Tony forzoso que abra su casco. Después de que un fondo perjudicial, paralizante batalla en manos de la mandarina, Tony se siente una sensación de molestia en la parte inferior de su cuerpo. Por desgracia para él, la cavidad simplemente traje roto los respiraderos que mantiene el olor de su propia farts contenida en el presente documento dentro dentro del traje. Él tendría que ser castigada con este horrendo olor aún satisfactoria de victoria hacia abajo por debajo de sus nalgas a lo largo de la vuelta a casa.

"Pepper, esto es dura", llamados en el multimillonario a través de una transmisión. Pepper estaba de regreso a su salón, viendo por la ventana y que le habían visto antes de que el vuelo. "Mi nutsack es la picazón completamente más allá de lo imaginable y, sin embargo, tengo la necesidad de sentarse más extrañas mi asno ricos hacia abajo y ver algunos Naruto."

"Que?"

"Mein nutsack itching gänzlich unglaublich, und doch, habe ich das merkwürdigste Drängen, sich meinen reichen Esel hinzusetzen und irgendein Naruto aufzupassen."

"Oh, but at any rate, I want to let you know that having sex safely is a serious problem with you," replied the woman from another world. "You are certainly now Sasuke Haruno, you bumb-duggling dumbass, and here, for your efforts I leave you with this information. I want you to take care of them, not unlike your father. I met him before when the first Silve Age era of Stark Superbeans was created. He was a good man, he knew how to treat cumify no jutsu with immediate and dubious honors. Unlike you and Hulk Hogan, whom I don't know why is here but we'll just assume the door was open."

Tony gave off a puzzled look for about an hour and time stood still for a moment, before he shouted like a madman.

"You mean, TONY STARK SENIOR was my father!"

"No!" shouted the woman manly version of Tony, "BRUCE WAYNE IS YOUR FATHER!... and he is also your SON!"

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODIDNOTSEETHA TONECOMINGDIDYOUWHWEHFRIUREW HIUHWQPIGH8RENTG98VPERPU4576 -79-T Q0GVJPOIDGJOEAN

Superman dies of AIDs.


End file.
